Weep Not For the Memories

Last weekend I had a nice time with friends in Koreatown. We went to my favourite restaurant and then on to norebang (private karaoke) and sang to our hearts' content! So fun.

The only bittersweet part was the very noticeable absence of the person formerly known as my partner, the only actual Korean. He always had special songs he always sang and he always ordered for us and did the table BBQ grilling. This time I had to step in and do it, which was fine but I did miss him. Perhaps making new memories where old existed before is akin to taking your dog out to urinate over old smells from other dogs. To have a future, the past can't be in your present.

I do miss him, or rather the idea of him in the roles he used to play in my life. So instead of denying or trying to ignore these feelings of loss, I'm taking a page from Judith Voirst's "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney." In this book, the main character mourns the loss of his pet by listing ten good things that he liked about the deceased. And since this is Remembrance Day, I thought it might be appropriate to remember....

1. Weatherman- He always knew when it would snow or rain and when it would be warm or cold. So helpful as I never pay any attention to that sort of thing!

2. Hairstylist- Not only did I get amazing haircuts and colour but he also would even style it for me sometimes. Plus he was always there to consult. Now I'm at a loss. Do I gel? wax? paste? Is this TOO spikey? symetrical? It's all too much.

3. Fashion Consultant- He had the gift of buying the perfect belt, jacket or T-shirt that would fit me perfectly and look great. He also was there to tell me which shirt looked better with which tie (it's all about the contrast) or what jeans to wear (and here I thought all jeans were created equal).

4. Tech guy- He was totally Inspector Gadget. You name it, he was all over it or could figure it out. If it wasn't for him, I still would be completely happy with my CD walkman. No MP3 and never an iPod!

5. Therapist- On most problems, he was good about listening and acting interested what I had to say. Even if it wasn't in his area of interest he would try and ask a few questions. I really appreciated that space to vent.

6. Travel companion - We really worked well out on the road. He loved driving and could keep his cool under pressure being more used to heavier traffic than I was. It was easy to make plans and find places to eat.

7. Cook- He was an amazing cook. If I was sick or if it was my birthday, he would make me miyuk guk. I'll have to try and make it myself now. :)

8. Gift wrapper-If you are scoffing at this it's because you never saw a gift he wrapped. Seriously it would be a work of art. He would mould flowers and leaves or would layer different colours of paper so it would show different contrasts. Really breath-taking.

9. Memory- There are a lot of things about Korea that Icould remember because he would jog my memory or help me out with a word or two. Most of those memories involved him as well so it will be hard to remember things by myself.

10. Companion- Just hanging around, sharing the same space. We were comfortable with the silences and he let me read and write. He was also very cool about letting me follow my own interests such as church or dancing. I appreciated that.

Of course there are more but ten always seems like a nice even number of which to make a list. Sorry if this seems morbid, using the past tense and being so personal but going through this separation/transition (they say) is right up there along with death of a spouse so it's a little like mourning. Actually it is the loss of the idea I had of the future. This has been really cleansing for me and perhaps it may help others, I dunno.