Tuesday, December 23, 2008

All I Really Want

After a false start or two, I've dived back into the dating pool. It's a bit like a job interview in many ways, trying to constantly sell yourself and close the deal. Lots of networking going on as well. Perhaps I should have letters of reference from my exes? I can only imagine what they would say! Good times!

On the other hand, I sense in myself a deep desire for happily ever after. Pick the best one and settle down cuz Lord knows I'm not gettin' any younger. Plus I'm lonely. And I'm not that great at playing "the swinging single" role. With this drive to decide, I have to wonder, am I settling down or just settling?

So in the spirit of Christmas "wish-lists" I've decided to make one of what I'm looking for in a partner, perhaps employing The Secret, to give me some clarity on the matter. Keep in mind they are in no particular order of importance and only a few of them are deal-breakers.

*a mature man: By mature I mean both age and experience. Not someone in university. Not someone "just out." Someone who knows the work it takes to be in a successful relationship.

*a healthy guy:In good shape. No smoking, drugs. Drinking isn't his life or the only way he can have fun.

*a spiritual soul: Someone who is in tune with the unseen, unexplained. Church is a big part of my life and has always been. Ideally I would like to share that with my mate.

*a familyman/the marrying kind: I've decided that the next time I get engaged, I want to be proposed to. I want someone to promise to care about my well-being through the ups and the downs. And children- I know how huge that is and how I would lose the lifestyle I now enjoy immensely. So why would I want kids? I'm not sure if my reasons (it would complete me, would be rewarding, would be contributing to my world) are altogether good ones. They all seem to be ego-centered. I like the idea of adoption because it's less about my needs and more about filling a need in society.
Also this person is going to have to be able to fit into my crazy family somehow. As I told a friend the other day- one doesn't just marry one's partner but the partner's family as well. For better or worse, those in-laws are a fact of life.

*a stable guy: I like the idea of equals, maybe not in salary but at least in self-sufficiency. I want the dichotomy where we take care of each other but could stand on our own if need be.

*a trustworthy person: This means monogamy. No that's not monotony as many would have you believe! I have come to understand the reason behind monogamy. When one is confined to single partner, there's greater attachment. It also creates security in the relationship. It really is less about sex than I thought. My partner should be someone who cherishes and values me and what we have so much that sex with someone else wouldn't be worth the risk of jeopardizing the relationship.

*attractive/chemistry: this is a toughie. Sometimes you just know. It's not so much physical, although that's part of it but also spiritual/personality. You just click.

*and last but not least love. Really that's probably the one that trumps the rest and matters most of all.

Merry Christmas everyone! I know the season's about giving not receiving but I do hope you get a little of what you wanted!


miss philippines said...

Oh my gawd!!!

Dan!! You're an angel!!

Now it makes sense ....

Now I know why I am depressed...

1. It's because I feel lonely and the thought of not having a boyfriend doesnt help.

2. But to look for a boyfriend is very difficult. In Korea, most men my age are all married (gays and straight alike). And I dont want to date students or somebody who earns less than what I get and so I dont feel like going out to meet these young juicy kids.

3. My credit card is hacked (is it the right word?) by one fucking American and my credit card company had to cut my card for 3 weeks which made me helpless which again add up to my being depressed.

I got messages on my mobile phone about purchases I didnt make (the currency is in always in US$). I asked the credit card company to track down where the purchases were made and I was informed it was in the states. Fuck!

Anyways Danny boy! your article is such a big help.

I wish you find your love soon. And please wish me luck too.

Anonymous said...

Dan, this was probably one on my fave blog posts this year! I feel very optimistic for you. Never settle for anything. You are worth this list and more.

Nat :)

Arthur Kong said...

I approve Dan! It's a good list of qualifications for the job! These are preferred qualities/skills, but not mandatory.

alison Johncox-Oriko said...

A very good list indeed! All so important! I wish it comes your way!

Teacher_Jen said...

I love your list... it inspires me to evaluate what I really want... and need in a relationship. What breaks the deal and what makes it... Inspiring....